I don’t know. That’s for starters. Not in the way I want to; not in the way I need to so I can finally move forward in some stalled artistic projects and major transitions.
I was reminded of this last night as I reread Roland Merullo’s marvelous, funny book, “Breakfast with Buddha,” about an external, and internal, road trip of enlightenment. The good-hearted, very human protagonist’s musings about “The Wizard of Oz” really hit home. Oz is:
“...that kingdom of illusion, that place where you came to understand that you’d had everything you needed all along–good witches to call on in an emergency, all the courage, brains and heart that was necessary in order to manage your way through this life. Oz was that place where the God you were going to for help could not help you, not really. All he could do was turn your eyes to what you already were and ask you to see it differently….”
I realize I have reverted to a fave modus operandi: casting about for advice, signs, affirmation, and outright direction from anyone and anything I can find…i.e., outside of myself. Ignoring the obvious, but often more daunting, route of digging more deeply inside. Proust was spot on that “[t]he real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”
What if I can’t come up with answers? What if my talent and skill are as limited as I fear? What if we do move homes and it’s a huge mistake that I fueled big time? The only person I will be able to blame, er hold responsible, is myself. No wonder I’ve been avoiding this :).
On the good news front, writing about this has yielded a better understanding of what’s going on, and at least a glimmer of how to proceed. More than what I’ve experienced for the past week as my pen has been paralyzed by the self-doubt wrought by an outrageously active and impish censor.
So, I think I’ll mosey on into the kitchen with my journal and review the notes on my new solo. Turn things upside down and around a bit–including me. Hoping I can shake things up enough to refresh and see what I’ve really got. Here’s wishing you your own clear vision….
“Vision is seeing what is invisible to others.”~Jonathan Swift